Grasshoppers
by The Fiercesomest Dragon Ever
Summary: Oneshot. Involving a field, a large catlikecreature, a hyperactive ninja, and some unsuspecting insects.


**Grasshoppers**

The wind ruffled through the tall grass of the plains near Gongaga. The sun shone brightly, and a bird called cheerfully as it soared overhead.

A small grasshopper crawled up a long piece of grass. It made its small, chirruping sound, and was soon joined by a small chorus of other grasshoppers. They chirped, undisturbed, in the sunny field.

Suddenly, Red XIII pounced! The grasshoppers leaped away, barely escaping the large cat's paws.

"Hmm… disappointing…" Red checked under his paws to see if he had caught any of the insects. He crouched back into the grass, waiting for more to come within reach.

He heard something approaching. Whatever it was, it moved quite stealthily.

"Too big for a grasshopper…" he thought, "It's probably one of the monsters that lives on these plains. I'll just take care of it before it gets near enough to camp to bother the others."

His tail swished once with anticipation. The movement was heading straight towards him. Red sprung, taking the thing by surprise!

"AAAGH! DON'T YOU DARE TRY AND EAT ME, YOU PSYCHO CAT!"

"… sorry, Yuffie." Red said, giving her an apologetic look, "I thought you were a monster."

She struggled under his weight, "Whatever, just get off." Red jumped off and Yuffie sat up, pulling bits of grass from her short hair and trying to brush off the dusty pawprints Red had left on her shirt.

Red sat patiently, watching her. She was one of the more… interesting humans he had met; not nearly as predictable as the rest of the group. Sometimes, that made him a little nervous; not knowing whether she was really trying to help AVALANCHE, or plotting to steal their materia again. However, since that little 'incident' in Wutai, she had mellowed out a little. At least, she hadn't tried anything since then. Of course, she still pulled the occasional practical joke to 'liven things up". Just last week she had tied pink ribbons in his fur while he was asleep. He had gone the entire day wondering why all the old ladies in Kalm would say, "Isn't that precious!" whenever he walked by until Tifa finally asked why he was wearing the ribbon. It took Cloud, Barret, and Cid's strength combined to keep him off Yuffie…She could be very unpredictable.

"What are you doing out here?" Red asked, somewhat suspiciously.

"Oh, I was just getting some fresh air." She said casually.

"Yuffie," Red cocked his head at her, "we are camped outside. All the air is fresh."

"Er, well, I know that. It's just, it's Cid's turn to cook, and…"

"Ah, I see." Red nodded, "That's why I came out here as well." Cid's cooking was so repulsive, it made green dragons cry. Literally. Cid once took one on, armed with just his spear and a ladleful of his infamous 'It-don't-matter-if-it's-edible-just-throw-it-in-the-pot' stew. The dragon had surrendered, clutching its nose and weeping piteously.

"So, whatcha doing?" Yuffie asked curiously.

"…Catching grasshoppers." He admitted. To his surprise, she didn't laugh. Instead, she said,

"Cool. Can I help?"

"…if you would like." Red agreed, "Please try not to squash them when you catch them."

"Sure, sure. How do we catch them?"

"Just hide in the grass until one comes close enough to pounce on." Red demonstrated.

"Got it." Yuffie crouched next to Red, "How long before they get close enough?"

"A few minutes."

Yuffie scanned the grass in front of her. There weren't any grasshoppers in sight. She looked at Red. He was sitting perfectly still, staring intently through the grass; he kind of looked like a statue. Yuffie looked at the ground. She tightened her shoelaces. She scanned the grass again. Still no grasshoppers. She attempted to tell time from the sun.

"Eight o'clock?" she thought, "It's the middle of the afternoon! That sun's crazy."

She looked at Red again. Still motionless. She tightened her shoelaces again.

"Does it usually take this long?" she whispered.

"Be patient, Yuffie. It's only been thirty seconds." Red whispered back.

Yuffie sighed. She scanned the grass again. Still no grasshoppers. "I can't take all this waiting. I'm going back to camp." She started to stand.

"Yuffie…" Red whispered. A big grasshopper was climbing up a long piece of grass. Yuffie stopped, halfway standing. "Wait…" Red said quietly.

The grasshopper made its small, chirruping sound, and was soon joined by a small chorus of other grasshoppers. They chirped happily, unaware of the two crouching next to them.

"When I twitch my tail, go." Red whispered. Yuffie nodded.

Red twitched, Yuffie sprang, the grasshoppers jumped! Red leaped straight up in the air, catching one of the insects in his teeth. He came down on all fours, next to Yuffie who had her hands cupped over the ground.

"I think I've got one! What do I… do… now…" Her words trailed off as she watched Red drop his catch onto the ground, trapping it with two paws. He bent his head down, opening his mouth, and…

"GROSS-NESS!" Yuffie shrieked, "Red, you were catching grasshoppers so you could EAT THEM?"

Red licked his lips, "Yes. Why? What did you think I was going to do with them?"

"UGH! I can't believe you ate a GRASSHOPPER!" Yuffie continued, "YOU'RE SO GROSS!"

Red glanced hungrily down at the grasshopper Yuffie had trapped, "…are you going to eat that?"

"Huh?" Yuffie looked down at her hands. She jerked them away, leaving the stunned insect on the ground, "I can't believe I touched one! UGH!"

Red caught it with one claw. His one eye glinted mischievously. He sniffed it, "Ah, one of the chocolate ones."

"YOU ARE SICK, RED! YOU-" she paused, "Wait, chocolate ones? They taste like chocolate?"

Red looked up, "What? Oh, you mean you didn't know? They're a delicacy in Cosmo Canyon."

"Really?" Yuffie asked skeptically.

"Oh yes." _Finally, a way to pay her back for that time she gave me those cookies covered with toothpaste instead of frosting_. "Would you like to try one?"

"Um…" Yuffie hesitated.

"It's a lot easier if you close your eyes." Red offered helpfully.

"Er……" she considered for a moment, "Ah, what the heck." She took the grasshopper from Red's paw. She held it up, glaring at Red, "If you're making this up, I'm gonna personally shave all the fur off your tail!"

"I understand." Red nodded. It would be worth it; his hair grew quickly.

Yuffie closed her eyes, and popped the insect into her mouth.

Red watched in amusement as her face contorted into several interesting expressions. At last, she swallowed. To Red's infinite amazement, she said, "Hey… that's not bad! Kinda spicy." Yuffie jumped to her feet, "They're way better than Cid's cooking! Let's catch some more! Man, I can't wait to tell Cid I'd rather eat bugs than his cooking! Hah, that'll sure ruffle his feathers! You want to come and watch, Red? Maybe we can throw some into his stew to spice it up!"

Yuffieraced off without waiting for Red to answer. He smiled slightly, swishing his tail through the grass; she was unpredictable indeed. Most unpredictable.

The End


End file.
